I Just Decided to Leave My Husband, Because He Wants to Move in His Mother With Dementia

Being there for our parents as they age, especially if they face health challenges can be a significant and meaningful obligation. Nevertheless, the situation may become more complex when it entails additional individuals and various factors. The following is a recent post on Reddit where a woman shared her own experience, seeking support from the community.

She wrote:

"I have been married for 8 years, and my husband and I are in our late 20s. His mother had him late in life, she is currently 68 and has been showing signs of dementia for the last two years, and she was recently officially diagnosed. My MIL does not have much to her name, and both my husband and I do very well for ourselves.

My husband wishes to have his mother move in with us, and I am against it. I did not sign up to share a home with either of our parents. I have no desire to become a caregiver, and I want to have children someday. Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds like extremely hard.

I love my husband, but the truth is I know him. If his mother moves in with us, he will be so focused on her that I will become an afterthought. I know this makes me sound petty and jealous, but I cannot keep up with his mother. His focus will be on her and rightfully so. Over the past year, I have joined support groups, and read forums regarding this topic and to be honest, it looks like it hardly works out.

My husband was pleading with me telling me we would be different from others, but a part of me just did not see it. I do not want to put my life on hold. She is healthy outside of dementia she has no other health issues, which means she can easily live another 20 years. My husband will never put her in an NH, and if he did it would be private pay so that is a major financial commitment.

I finally came to a decision to leave my husband. My friends understand, but my husband is simply devastated. My own parents understandably think I’m being unreasonable, stating I made a vow to be with him. My brother told me he was disappointed in me, and questioned if I would do the same with our parents. I think I would, you only get one life. Now, I am torn. I truly do love my husband, and I know he loves me, but at the same time he loves his mother. My family and my husband’s feelings are making me question and second-guess what I want..."

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